It was a struggle, meeting the woman in my ex’s life. I knew very little about her but what I knew, hurt and it hurt deeply.
She was young and pregnant. My ex and I have a child. As a matter of fact, it was in the schoolyard that he told me that he was in a relationship and that they were expecting.
Then a soccer ball nailed me in the face. Being in the yard after school I typically take a seat on the cement with my back leaning against the gates that try to contain over 400 kids at one time. It can look like a sporting event with three or four meets happening simultaneously. The soccer ball came with such force as to knock the “motherfucker” that was on the tip of my tongue, out of my mouth and into the schoolyard. Pieces of it landed in the middle of a four square game that sent kids running in all directions looking for their parents.
I had intended to bitch slap my ex with it and instead sent several innocent children running to their moms screaming,” That woman called me a motherfucker!”
He has every right to move on with his life. It has been almost ten years since our relationship ended.
He said she was nice, and a lot like me. It was that statement right there that could have killed me like a stray bullet because maybe there was tenderness and affection between the two of them. Maybe he respected her, maybe even loved her. At any rate, the words set to follow my first drew a very different picture. One I could continually embellish on depending how big my audience was.
Girl, let me tell you what that b**** did! You know she probably lied and said she was on the pill….
This situation wasn’t going to allow me to be childish and rage full. It was going to demand maturity, forgiveness, and letting go. Releasing my ex for good. I was going to have to bury my past and be in my present state of loneliness, illness and aging.
She is beautiful, sweet, and kind and young and pregnant. She and this baby will be around forever or long enough to seal this chapter in my life.
I wanted to hate her and hurt her and ridicule her and judge her. I wanted this baby to have been unplanned or even better a trick. It’s not any of that. It’s a relationship between adults, adults who kiss, make love and have children. It’s no different than the one my ex and I shared.
Only it’s not me.